Why do psychologists want to know about your childhood experiences?

It can feel disconcerting when you show up to your psychologist’s office wanting help with what is impacting you right now and your psychologist starts asking about your childhood instead.

They want to know what growing up was like: school, mum, dad, caregivers, finances, early relationships. And understandably, it can feel confusing.

You might wonder whether they are really listening. It can feel like you are not actually working on what you came in for. You have asked for coping strategies. You want tools to feel better, to perform more confidently in meetings, to enjoy going out again. Yet here you are, telling your psychologist how many siblings you have and whether you felt close to them.

For some people, this can feel confronting. For others, it can feel like their parents or caregivers are being judged. And for many, it simply feels beside the point.

So why do psychologists do this?

Because we are shaped by our experiences

In short, we are the sum total of all our experiences across our life.

What shows up in adulthood is often formed, or at least influenced, by earlier life experiences. Childhood is where our foundations are created. It is where our sense of self in relation to the world begins to take shape.

It is where we learn whether we matter simply for who we are, or whether love and attention have to be earned. It is where we learn whether the world feels safe, predictable and supportive, or uncertain and threatening. It is where we learn whether we are connected and important, or a burden and a stress. It is where we learn whether we are unconditionally loved, or fundamentally alone.

Childhood is also where our attachment patterns develop, whether that is secure, anxious, avoidant or a combination of these. These early experiences shape how our nervous system responds to relationships and stress, often long before we have words for it.

From these experiences, we develop what are known as schemas. Schemas are deep mental frameworks or blueprints about ourselves, other people and the world. They are formed through repeated experiences involving emotion, sensation, behaviour and the meaning we make of those experiences (van Genderen et al., 2012).

Commonly reported schemas include abandonment, social isolation, defectiveness or shame, emotional deprivation and self-sacrifice (Arntz et al., 2021). These schemas quietly influence how we interpret situations, how we relate to others, and how we respond emotionally. Most of the time, we are not consciously aware of them at all.

Why working with childhood matters in therapy

When therapy includes approaches such as Schema Therapy or EMDR, we are working from a transdiagnostic perspective. This means we are not just treating symptoms. We are working with the underlying patterns that sit beneath many different difficulties.

Regardless of how someone has learnt to cope or survive, whether through anxiety, shutting down, low mood, alcohol misuse, binge eating, restricting, or eating disorders, these approaches allow us to work with the origins of those patterns, not just their surface expressions.

There is strong research support for trauma-informed therapies in creating meaningful and lasting change (Arntz, 2012; Farrell et al., 2023).

Although originally developed for trauma and more complex presentations, both Schema Therapy and EMDR have been shown to be effective in reducing symptoms associated with anxiety, depression, alcohol misuse, eating disorders, OCD, attachment-based difficulties, childhood neglect and long-standing relational patterns.

These approaches are also increasingly used in neurodiversity-affirming therapy. For autistic and ADHD individuals, Schema Therapy and EMDR can help unpack and process internalised ableism. This often comes from years of corrective or critical feedback such as “just try harder”, and the shame and self-doubt that can follow (Beaton et al., 2022). They can also support self-compassion, deeper understanding of one’s neurodivergent profile, and stronger self-advocacy (van Diest et al., 2022; Fisher et al., 2022).

But what about strategies?

Strategies absolutely have their place. Reframing thoughts. Challenging unhelpful beliefs. Learning practical tools. These can be incredibly useful. But they can also be exhausting.

Sometimes it can feel like putting a band aid on something much deeper if that’s all you do.

You might be able to logically talk yourself through a situation. For example, reminding yourself that a colleague was probably short with you because they were tired or stressed, not because you did something wrong. And yet, your body still reacts. The anxiety shows up anyway. The self-doubt lingers.

That is because our nervous system often holds these patterns, not just our thoughts. And many people reach a point where they ask, wouldn’t it be nice not to have to manage this reaction at all?

Our approach at Immersive Psychology Group

At Immersive Psychology Group, we focus on a combination of approaches and often work to understand our client’s full history.

We help clients make sense of the origins of their current challenges while also offering practical tools for day-to-day life. We work both with thinking and meaning making, and with the body and nervous system.

Our aim is integration. Supporting you to reach a place where, at a deeper level, you can know and feel that you are worthy, enough, connected and deserving of care.

All of our Perth-based psychologists in Subiaco are trained in either Schema Therapy or EMDR, alongside CBT. We also offer therapy Australia-wide via telehealth, including remote EMDR platforms.

Our psychologists have particular interests in trauma-informed care, neurodiversity-affirming practice, and eating and body image-related concerns across the lifespan, from childhood and adolescence through to adulthood.

If this approach resonates with you, and you are ready to take the next step, we may be the right clinic for you.

To learn more about EMDR, Schema Therapy, or our psychologists’ availability and therapeutic styles, please explore our website or get in touch via admin@immersivepsychologygroup.com or call 0400 428 593.