Setting Boundaries: What They Are and How to Set Them

Author: Ashlee Duhau (Deakin University)

Date: July 2026

Have you ever caught yourself saying “yes” when you really wanted to say “no”? Putting others first out of guilt or to keep others happy, only to realise you have little time or energy left for yourself or the things that matter to you?

Over time, constantly showing up for others or doing things that do not feel aligned with your values can shift your own needs, goals and wellbeing into the background (Cloud & Townsend, 2017).

What are boundaries?

Boundaries are the limits we set to help define what feels comfortable, respectful and manageable for us in our relationships and daily lives. They help communicate what we need to feel safe, how we want to be treated by others and what we are and are not willing to take responsibility for (Martin, 2021).

Healthy boundaries are not about becoming unavailable or being selfish. Instead, they give us clarity about what is our responsibility and what is not, as well as what feels manageable and important to us (Green, 2022; Hampton, 2019). They can help us recognise what we are comfortable taking on and what may belong to someone else to manage (Cloud & Townsend, 2017; Martin, 2021).

In this way, boundaries are not about creating distance, but about supporting healthier and more respectful ways of connecting with the people around us (Gould, 2026; Green, 2022).

Boundaries can look different for everyone and may take many different forms:

• Physical boundaries – help protect your personal space and support what feels safe and comfortable for your body.
• Intimacy and sexual boundaries – support your right to consent and make choices about intimacy that feel right for you.
• Emotional boundaries – help support your emotional wellbeing and maintain a sense of emotional safety in relationships.
• Spiritual boundaries – allow you to choose how you engage with beliefs, values and spiritual or cultural practices.
• Time boundaries – help you decide how your time and energy are spent while supporting realistic commitments.
• Communication boundaries – help you express your needs, preferences and expectations in interactions with others.

• Work or study boundaries – support a balance between responsibilities and wellbeing while reducing the risk of burnout. (Cloud & Townsend, 2017; Martin, 2021)

Why are boundaries important?

Boundaries play an important role in supporting our physical, emotional and psychological wellbeing (Martin, 2021).
Firstly, they can support healthier and more sustainable relationships (Nedelcu, 2025). When boundaries are communicated and respected, relationships can feel safer, more predictable and easier to navigate. People are then able to communicate more openly, understand expectations and build trust over time (Gould, 2026; Nedelcu, 2025).

Boundaries can also help us recognise our limits of what we can actually manage and make choices that feel realistic and sustainable. At times, we may say “yes” out of guilt, pressure or habit, even when something does not align with our needs or capacity. Setting clear boundaries allows us to say “no” when needed and can help avoid overcommitting to things we do not want or cannot realistically manage (Martin, 2021). This creates more space for rest, relationships, interests and the things that matter most to us.

Importantly, setting boundaries can be empowering and can support a stronger sense of identity (Martin, 2021; Nedelcu, 2025). Communicating our needs, values and limits can help us live in ways that feel more aligned with who we are and the life we want to build. Over time, even small changes can have a positive ripple effect across different areas of life, making life feel more authentic and reflective of us (Nedelcu, 2025).

How to set boundaries

Setting boundaries can feel challenging and uncomfortable at first. But like many skills, it develops over time and breaking it down into simple steps can be helpful.

1. Identify your needs and limits
Start by paying attention to situations where you feel drained, uncomfortable, or stretched beyond what feels manageable. Consider what feels misaligned for you, what you are no longer willing to take responsibility for, or what you are no longer tolerating.
2. Be clear about your boundary
Think about what you are and are not okay with. Be specific about what your boundary involves – what you need to feel more comfortable, respected, or balanced and what you
will do if the boundary is crossed.
3. Communicate clearly
Use simple, direct language and “I” statements where possible. You do not need long explanations. For example: “I’m not able to take that on right now” or “I need some time before I respond”.
4. Be consistent
Try to follow through on your boundaries where you can. Consistency helps others understand and adjust over time.
5. Expect some discomfort
Sometimes people may question, test or challenge your boundary. This does not mean you are doing anything wrong – it often just takes time for new patterns to settle.

(Cloud & Townsend, 2017; Hampton, 2019; Martin, 2021).

When boundaries continue to be challenged over time, it may be a helpful sign to reflect on whether the relationship is supporting your values and wellbeing (Nedelcu, 2025). This can be one the hardest parts of setting boundaries, and come with grief, anxiety, self-blame and even loneliness, as we rebuild relationships, and even let some go.

Boundaries are about communicating what is and is not acceptable to us. They are not about pushing people away, but recognising your limits, expressing your needs and creating space for relationships that feel respectful and sustainable. Boundaries are actually a sign that you love and value a relationship, the act of setting a boundary says “I really want to have you in my life, and have a healthy caring relationship with you”. Moreso, boundaries are the limit in which you can love someone while still caring for yourself. You do not need to start big straight away – small, consistent boundaries can make a meaningful difference over time (Nedelcu, 2025).

Check out our boundaries cheat sheet on our resources page for a quick guide to get you started.

Support with Setting Boundaries

Setting boundaries can be one of the hardest things to do, especially if you're doing it for the first time. It can feel uncomfortable, unfamiliar, and even frightening. Many people experience guilt, anxiety, or worry about disappointing others when they begin prioritising their own needs. The good news is that these feelings are common, and with support, they become much easier to navigate.

If you find yourself struggling to set healthy boundaries, repeatedly putting others' needs before your own, or wondering why saying "no" feels so difficult, you don't have to work through it alone. Therapy can help you understand where these patterns come from, process the experiences that shaped them, and build the confidence to create healthier, more balanced relationships.

At Immersive Psychology Group, our psychologists provide compassionate, evidence-based support for people wanting to develop healthier boundaries, improve self-care, reduce overwhelm, and build deeper, more authentic relationships. We offer a range of therapeutic approaches tailored to your individual needs, including Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT), Schema Therapy, EMDR, counselling, and coaching.

Whether you're looking for a psychologist in Subiaco, Perth, Sydney, or prefer the convenience of online psychology and telehealth appointments across Australia, we're here to support you. Sometimes the first step towards creating more space for yourself is simply reaching out for support.

If you would like support in setting boundaries, saying no and prioritising yourself, or to learn more about our psychologists’ availability and therapeutic styles, please explore our website or get in touch via admin@immersivepsychologygroup.com or call 0400 428 593.