What we think going to therapy says about a person, and why the stigma remains.
Date: September 2026
By Dr Leah Dudley (Psychologist, PhD)
Going to therapy or speaking with a mental health professional has become more accessible, and many people now openly embrace the strength in having support. Yet, many of us still hold beliefs about what seeking help means.
“I don’t need therapy; there is nothing wrong with me.”
It is a statement many people have heard before (maybe from loved ones) or even said to a loved one or just to yourself. Underneath it is often a deeply held belief: that therapy is only for someone who is unwell, struggling, not coping or somehow different from the norm. It’s often this stigma and fear of judgement and the shame attached it, that makes people less likely to seek mental health support.
What going to therapy means about me?
The stigma surrounding therapy can do more than make us worry about other people’s opinions. It can activate some of our deepest beliefs about ourselves.
If needing therapy means you are weak, what does that seem to say about you? That you have failed? That you are not competent or not good enough? That you should have been able to cope alone? That if you begin looking at what hurts, you will not cope or you will somehow feel even more alone?
These beliefs may have been shaped by family messages, culture, past relationships or times when asking for help was not safe. They can sit quietly underneath the practical reasons we give for not attending: “I’m too busy,” “other people have it worse” or “I should be able to sort this out myself.”
You do not need to analyse all of this by yourself, that is a lot to carry. But it can be worth sharing these thoughts with your psychologist. The shame or fear you feel about attending is not separate from the therapy; it may help you both understand some of the pain you are holding, where it came from and what you learned about needing other people.
History can help explain why these beliefs exsist
People who hold these beliefs are not the reason they exist nor are they to blame. Widespread beliefs such as those attached to mental health are the consequence of a complex social and generational history with psychology, medicine, and mental health.
Psychology, medicine, and psychiatry have a long and complicated history. The mind has often been approached in the West through a lens of fascination, fear and judgement. People experiencing distress or living outside narrow social expectations were institutionalised, isolated or subjected to treatment without meaningful consent. Psychosurgery, including lobotomy (the surgical severing of nerves in the brain: prefrontal cortex) caused profound and irreversible harm. Women’s distress was dismissed through labels such as “hysteria,” while homosexuality remained classified as a mental disorder until sustained scientific and social challenge led to its removal from the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders in 1973.
There is an important distinction between a treatment and how it has been used. Electroconvulsive therapy, for example, remains an evidence-based medical treatment for some severe conditions, but its history includes delivery without adequate consent, dignity or safeguards. Remembering those harms matters.
Mental health systems have historically focused too narrowly on what was “wrong” within an individual while overlooking trauma, discrimination, poverty, violence, culture and disability. For many communities, mistrust has been learned through experience.
It makes sense that seeking psychological help became associated with stigmatising labels and that people would distance themselves from those labels.
How these beliefs are passed down & socially generated
These beliefs can also be passed through families and generations.
If we think back generationally in Australia, many people returned from war having shut down parts of themselves to survive, others had to push through grief, poverty and isolation with children as their spouse didn’t return. Some came home carrying symptoms we would now recognise as post-traumatic stress, but with few safe places to speak. They coped alone, through work, avoidance or sometimes alcohol.
A parent’s trauma and relationship with feelings can unintentionally affect relationships, parenting and children’s wellbeing, although this is complex and not inevitable. For parents who had to shut down feelings in themselves, they might have raised children who grew up hearing:
- “Just don’t think about it.”
- “Don’t be a cry-baby.”
- “Stop crying.”
- “Those are crocodile tears.”
- “Don’t be such a girl”
For generations before us, showing feelings may genuinely not have felt safe. Emotional shutdown may have helped people survive war, economic depression, displacement or family violence. But what helps us survive one environment does not always help us feel safe and connected in the next.
The stigma around psychology makes sense. It reflects history, social influence, institutional harm and generations doing the best they could with what was available.
Understanding where stigma comes from does not mean we need to keep carrying it.
Psychology today looks very different (and better)
Psychology today is very different from its roots, although those lessons should never be forgotten. Psychologists are expected to work ethically, obtain informed consent, protect confidentiality and integrate current evidence with clinical expertise and each client’s preferences, culture and circumstances.
No psychologist or therapy will be right for every person. Evidence-based care means drawing on the best available research while responding to the actual human being in the room.
Psychologists working from attachment-based, schema therapy, Internal Family Systems-informed, EMDR, cognitive behavioural or other trauma-informed perspectives may understand many difficulties not simply as evidence that a person is “broken,” but as responses that once helped that person survive, adapt, connect or protect themselves.
Anxiety may anticipate danger. Anger may protect a boundary. Perfectionism may try to prevent rejection. Dissociation may create distance from something unbearable. Substance use may begin as an attempt to soothe pain or get through the day.
These responses can later create suffering or become unsafe, and diagnosis can help us understand symptoms and guide treatment. But a diagnosis is not a judgement of character, and compassionate understanding does not excuse harmful behaviour. It helps make responsibility, safety and meaningful change more possible.
At its best, therapy is client-centred, collaborative and guided by the client’s goals. The relationship and trust built between a person and their therapist matter and are consistently associated with better therapy outcomes.
Therapy is not only about mental health challenges
Psychologists working in coaching, organisational psychology and positive psychology may have little or no focus on diagnosis. They may help people clarify goals, use their strengths, navigate career decisions, improve relationships and build more authentic lives. Positive psychology is not about ignoring pain or being positive all the time; it examines what supports wellbeing, meaning and flourishing.
Some people seek support for distressing events or symptoms that have changed how they relate to themselves, others and the world. Many come to enhance an already happy and functional life.
A time when you feel well-resourced can be useful for therapy. Stability may give you greater capacity to reflect, understand family patterns and make desired changes.
Psychology can be thought about like many other professional services. You do not need to be bankrupt to speak with an accountant, injured to work with a personal trainer, or at breaking point to ask an expert for guidance.
Someone may see an accountant to learn money management; another may already budget well but want investment advice. A new runner might benefit from coaching and so might an Olympic athlete. The same is true for psychology.
There is no single type of person, state of mind, level of intelligence, stage of life, ability, gender, culture, race or age that “goes to therapy.” There are many reasons people attend (and even your attendance), and what you share remains between you and your psychologist, within the limits of confidentiality.
Reasons people go to therapy, other than a mental health diagnosis
- Building healthy relationships, preparing for marriage or navigating dating
- Ending a relationship or beginning a new one
- Communicating differently and learning to set boundaries
- Navigating conflict with parents or in-laws
- Becoming a parent, developing parenting skills or adjusting when children leave home
- Moving through school, university, retirement or another life transition
- Changing careers, beginning a new role or managing leadership demands
- Exploring identity, values and passions
- Understanding yourself and connecting with a more authentic sense of self - not only who other people expect you to be
- Building confidence, resilience and emotional flexibility
- Understanding procrastination or perfectionism
- Preparing for a stressful event or making lifestyle changes
- Grieving a person, relationship, role, future or stage of life
- Having a regular space that is just for you - where you do not need to look after anyone else and someone is focused entirely on you
Taking the first step
- Even with all of this in mind, taking the first step can be hard. It can feel strange to make an appointment or share personal experiences.
If you feel self-conscious or anxious, tell the reception team or your psychologist. Tell them how hard it was to come in, that you do not know whether therapy will help, or that you are unsure why you are there. You do not need the right words, a clear goal or a complete understanding of what is happening. The first few appointments can feel difficult while trust is being built. You do not have to figure it out alone.
You are allowed to ask how the psychologist works, what confidentiality means, what therapy might involve and how you will know whether it is helping. If the fit does not feel right, it may simply mean that this person or approach is not the right match.
If seeing a psychologist still feels like too much, another avenue may be more accessible: a suitably trained and credentialled coach, GP, peer or community group, veterans’ service, neurodiversity organisation, spiritual leader, trusted friend or mentor.
That may be your first step, or the only step you need. Seeking support does not tell us what is “wrong” with you. It may simply tell us that you are interested in change, understanding or growth; and much like seeing an accountant or mechanic, you do not want to reinvent the wheel when somebody else has already read the textbooks for you, so to speak.
If you are reading this because you want to understand a loved one who might benefit from support but is not ready to take that step, remember that we cannot control another person’s pace. Pushing for change before someone is ready can leave everyone feeling frustrated or misunderstood. Exploring support for yourself may be the most helpful place to begin.
Therapy is not proof that something is wrong with you. Sometimes, it is simply a place to understand what has happened to you, what matters to you and where you would like to go next.
Whether you are considering therapy for the first time, feeling unsure about seeking support, or simply wanting to understand yourself and your experiences more deeply, we are here to help.
To book an appointment or learn more about our psychologists’ availability and therapeutic approaches, explore our website, email admin@immersivepsychologygroup.com or call 0400 428 593.
This article provides general information and is not a substitute for individual psychological or medical advice. If you are in immediate danger or need urgent support, contact emergency services on 000 or an appropriate crisis service in your location.
All ideas are original and are not AI generated. AI is used for editing purposes such as spell check.
If you’re seeking support, counselling online or in person, our Perth Psychologist, and Online Psychologists have availability for therapy, couples counselling, adult and children ADHD assessment, ADHD Diagnosis, Autism assessment and diagnosis, EMDR, CBT, and schema therapy for depression, anxiety, stress, body image, eating disorders, relationship, and workplace support.
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